Regina - United Kingdom

Nickname: Phoenix

I attended church since a very young age because our mother used to force us to go, but I never understood the Gospel and was never interested in it. In fact, in my teens, I deliberately rejected God because I saw so much hypocrisy in the Christians I met.

When I graduated from university, I couldn't find work and so I spent a few months in Singapore where I was in touch with some Christians who took me to their church. For the first time in my life, I met what seemed to be really genuine Christians who really believed in Jesus and the Gospel and in living it out. I was so gripped by this that I started reading personal testimonies.

On my return home, I insisted on finding a local Bible study group to join although I didn't have a church which I attended regularly. Through the study group that I found, I met a lot of people there who went to a church that wasn't far from where I lived. I soon became involved with their Sunday School ministry. Everyone, and myself included, assumed I was a believer and never vetted me. I assumed I was a Christian because my mother was one and because of my church-going background. This was in 1986.

I became more and more involved with the children's and teens' ministries (I started the latter from scratch) and in 1991 I joined Operation Mobilization because I wanted to serve the Lord full-time. By then, I had become so proud and self-sufficient from all my achievements that I made it an objective for God to break me while I was away on missions.

From February 1991 to November 1992 I served on the ship, Doulos. When I boarded, I became more and more depressed but I didn't realise it and couldn't figure out why I was so miserable. Then one night when I had insomnia, I imagined a door in my heart which I opened to let Jesus come in because I was in despair and so unhappy. The next morning, I woke up a totally transformed person. I felt light and immensely happy. It was as though I'd been living in the dark all this time and didn't know it until Someone opened a window and let the light in and I could see.

My friends noticed that I had changed but didn't know why and I dared not tell them because I was shocked to realise that all this while I hadn't been a true believer - and now I was on a ship full of Christians from around the world where I had been sent out by my church whose leaders and members had a very high regard for me. I felt like a fraud.

Over time, I gradually shared with my ship friends and to my surprise, they understood and were very accepting. I knew that one day I would have to make the change known that Christ had brought about in me, and to my own church.

One morning, I was unexpectedly asked to share my testimony at a Sunday worship service onboard, led by a good friend of mine who didn't know what had happened to me. I knew then that it was time to make Christ's tranformation in my life public so that morning I shared my salvation testimony in front of the ship's company and quoted a scripture verse that I had never understood before until then: Matthew 7:21, "Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven."

I never knew that this kind of thing happened to other Christians too, until I read about it afterwards. I wrote to my pastor at home who never accepted my testimony, but I was expecting it for various reasons. It was good enough for me that the Doulos company accepted my testimony including my leaders and trainers, and later on, when I read about similar events in the lives of other believers.

I've since lived a life that is unremarkable. I have the usual struggles, but the one thing that struck me was that up until that moment in 1991, I had always doubted my salvation and used to pray the sinner's prayer every now and then to assure myself that I was saved (but I was afraid to tell anyone).

Since April 1991, I have never once doubted my salvation - no matter what life has thrown at me.