Carine - United States Of America

Nickname: Red

At 6, I talked to God about everything - just like my Sunday School teacher said we could. My parents stopped going to church then, although they were Christians in the sense of saying, “When we die we go to heaven.” However, it was my Grandma who brought me to Jesus.

My favorite memory is Grandma pushing me on the swing and singing “Blessed Assurance.” She often told me about Jesus’ love for us. She also gave my brother and me a children’s Bible with colorful and graphic pictures - I still remember the illustration of John the Baptist’s head on a plate, whoa! The seeds planted in me by those who loved me as a child finally came to be watered during my college years.

In the mid ’80’s, I met Jenny through a boyfriend. The invitation to her church was all I needed, and the unconditional acceptance given there kept me attending. Around this time, Jenny and I were discussing my family relationships. She suggested that I imagine putting my problems in a box and giving them to Jesus. During a particularly lonely moment, I gave it a try but got frustrated by not being able to visualize my problem. Giving up, I visualized putting myself in the box instead thinking, "Well, the problem is in me somewhere, God can sort it out.” All of a sudden in my visualization Jesus appeared. He picked up the box and carried it to this overwhelmingly powerful light that disappeared into total love - what a huge energy rush that was! Some time later Jenny and I were talking again. I couldn’t understand why I was at such peace and seeing life so differently. She gave a respectful laugh and said “Don’t you know Carine, you are a Christian now.” I answered, "Christian, what is a Christian?”…(talk about ignorant bliss). Needless to say I learned what I had done, and little did I know this would be the first of many visuals, and an all-consuming “on fire for God” passion was born.

From that moment on, God has completely rearranged this life, and in almost 20 years of walking with Him, I have gone on to live several lifetimes of change and moulding - some painful, but always with underlying joy.

In all my swirling changes as a child and as an adult, the one comforting constant God has given me is photography - beginning at 9 years of age with my first camera, a Kodak Instamatic with that groovy flip flash. Through God’s blessings by the way of photography, I finally had a voice, an identity, and an anointing.

Through photography, I met my wonderful husband and best friend of 14 years, a stable and committed Christian, and through photography I have been given the gift of an emotional healing tool by the way of the creative process.

Besides my photojournalism job and black-and-white portrait business, my greatest love is to shoot with old beat up cameras almost always loaded with infrared film. My husband and father have built me a beautiful darkroom and studio where I can lose myself for hours on end...

Today I am a life no longer in fear of change, I embrace it and mourn it when it isn’t happening. Now that I am living on the other side of what I can see was a lifelong depression, joy is able to come to its full expression, and forgiveness of my trespasses and others who have trespassed on me is now possible. I am striving to live a life of forgiveness, healing and joy.

One of God’s healing ways has been His placement of children in my life. Although we have none of our own, we have been filled with children in so many other rewarding ways and through all these experiences my healing comes full circle each time I am able to bring unconditional love to a child.

I am a firm believer that we are not here on earth to serve ourselves, but to serve God and others. Everyday I pray that God will use me to bring peace and encouragement to someone. I also pray that God will someday bring about my dream of providing photography workshops for children. I would love to have the opportunity to help a child who is also in need of a voice.