Els - Netherlands

Nickname: butterfly

Hello, I am Els, and I live in the Netherlands with my husband and two boys.

The first ten years of my childhood were happy ones. It was in these early happy years that I had my first introduction to photography. My father did photography as his hobby. He had his own darkroom in our cellar, and as a child I loved helping him. Encouraged by my father, I began to take my own photos. My cat and my friends were the subjects of my photographic studies, yet the real fun came when I was allowed to develop the photos by myself.

Things changed when my mother unexpectedly decided to divorce my father. She left him for another man who turned out to be an alcoholic. It wasn't long before the fights began, and things went from bad to worse. This man subjected my mother to both mental and physical abuse. He humiliated her on a daily basis, and he also sexually assaulted me. As the years of abuse went on, I became increasingly rebellious. When I turned 15, I started to hang-out at the local hard-rock centre which became a second home for me.

Living by the sea meant that beach parties during the summer were a regular occurrence. It was during one summer that we were approached by a "Jesus freak guy" who shared the Gospel with us and the news that you can be free forever. (This Jesus freak later became my pastor.) In my heart I knew that what he shared was true, but at that time I wasn't able to accept the truth because I was so consumed by the pain people had caused me.

In the years that followed, I entered one destructive relationship after another, trying to find my own way to freedom from the pain. I used soft-drugs and alcohol to help me forget everything!!!! But I couldn't escape the acute feelings of loneliness and emptiness.
So when I was 17, I decided to travel on my own; see the world and meet people. I took lots of risks, but I didn't care because I felt no one cared for me.

After 12 years of not seeing my dad, I decided to take the risk of being rejected again and meet with him. Our first meeting was very strange because I felt no emotion whatsoever. But because of the love which I received, I slowly began to open up.

During those 12 years of separation, my father had met a lovely lady and eventually married her. The two of them became Christians and together they showed me what real love is - but I wanted nothing to do with a faith of any kind because of the hurt the church and its religious attenders had caused me during my youth. Then I was forced to go to a church where only hell and damnation were preached, and the church offered me no hope. Church members rejected our family and me because of my mother's divorce. So my view of God and His church was not a good one.

It was during my world travels that I reached a breaking point. I became stuck in Turkey where my finances eventually dried up. I realised that I needed to get home before it was too late. I didn't really have enough money for a regularly priced air ticket, and in Turkey they didn't have any last minute offers so I was in a desperate situation. I was even more trapped now than ever before.

I packed my belongings and got on a bus heading towards the airport, realising that I probably wouldn't be able to afford to leave. In my desperation I cried out to God for the first time in my life saying, "God if you are there and exist, please show that to me." The second I had finished saying this, I became engulfed in a feeling of total peace.

At the airport, I was helped on all sides. I managed to get a ticket I could afford. I was even able to leave for home immediately. I wouldn't have to stay a moment longer because the flight I needed had been delayed just long enough for me to catch it. A host for a German tourist company said he had never before seen a delay like that one in his whole career. I believe God held the plane especially for me.

When I arrived back in my country, I decided to live with my father and his wife because of the love and acceptance I had received the last time I had stayed with them.

My father's wife often attended prayer meetings, and one day I asked her if I could come along out of curiosity. She and the other ladies present welcomed me with open arms. Everyone prayed personally for me, I was touched by God's grace! So much so, that I broke down, and the tears flowed. I gave myself to God totally. He comforted me with His words in the Bible.

Matthew 11:29-30: "Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Two famous Dutch gospel singers made a song about this verse, and they played that especially for me so I started crying again and felt a lot lighter after that.

My father's wife became my spiritual mother and mentor, a true example to me. She showed me what a healthy, loving family environment is like and invited me to become a part of it. I am so very thankful for her life.

As time has gone by, God has been slowly but surely helping me on the road to freedom. Step by step, He helps me deal with the past. Part of the healing process for me has been the forgiveness of my mother.

Another part of that process has been to ask forgiveness for the mistakes I have made. I was no angel and hurt her terribly. I went to her and said I was sorry for the part I had played in our painful past. This brought her to tears and helped her to confess the mistakes she had made.

The very next day, she gave her life also to Jesus and the process of healing for her was able to begin.

One the most difficult decisions I have had to make on my journey to freedom was to forgive my stepfather. Remember in my eyes, he was the cause of all my pain. He had quite simply destroyed my life. Because of this, much of my hate was focused on him. This of course was extremely difficult because I wanted to hate him for all the lost and painful years. I felt he didn't deserve to be forgiven, but very gradually God helped me see that my bitterness and hate for him only served to keep me caged in my painful past. Forgiving him, just as I have been forgiven by Jesus, was the key that set me free!

I gain so much strength and encouragement from the following Bible verse because it shows me that God is able to turn even the worst situations around and use the pain of the past to help us in the future.

The God of All Comfort, 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 - "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God."

I now attend church in the Netherlands that is purpose-driven. Here God has helped me to discover my purpose in life. He has given me real friends who accept me for who I am. I now know how to live a balanced, healthy and fruitful life.

God has also helped me discover who I really am and helps me see what gifts and talents are mine and how to develop and apply them further.

Taking photos is a heartfelt passion of mine. It helps me stop and take the time to see and appreciate the beauty of God's creation. I love to observe the details of life and capturing them in a photo helps me to enjoy the subtleties, the intricate balance of light and form. I also like to tell stories with my images hoping that they communicate with the heart. I hope that other people will be touched by them.