Blayne - Canada

Nickname: BWG

I began my Christian walk in 1984 after a friend who had recently given his life to God witnessed to me, but 5 years later I was disillusioned and discouraged over my lack of progress as a person. I had been raised in a dozen foster care homes without the benefit of a father, and with a mother who was available to me on a part-time basis. I had always felt unloved, alone and isolated, often distrusting of others because of abuse and rejection. The pain that I felt led to experimenting with marijuana, LSD, inhalants and alcohol, but none of these substances was able to adequately numb the pain or fill the void that I was feeling. I became sexually active and mistakenly came to the conclusion that this was love and acceptance, but this too left me with an emptiness that followed me like my shadow.

While I now actively read the Bible, prayed and attended church, something remained lacking in my life. There seemed to be little joy or victory, and so I began to cry out to God for understanding. During the late hours of November 13th, 1989, while reading a small booklet distributed by the Full Gospel Businessmen’s Fellowship (received the previous day at a church breakfast), I came across a testimony that included the following verse from Scripture, “Except the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain that build it…” Psalm 127:1a. This came at a time when I was designing houses as an architectural draftsman, and the revelation struck me like a piece of lumber. I realized, in that moment of time, that the surrender I had given to God was, at best, a partial surrender. Fearful of others, I had learned to take control of my life, and I wouldn’t trust anyone with it, not even God Himself! Realizing now what God was asking of me I recommitted my life to Him and consecrated myself in a way not previously done. As brother Andrew Murray once wrote, a “Full and Joyous Surrender” had taken place.

I had on that night what can only be described as an ‘experience’ with God. At this point words become inadequate, and in some ways I remain speechless to this day. I had finally begun to feel the unconditional love and mercy of God flooding my spirit, and to know Him as a Father. I wept bitter tears at the awareness that I truly was a sinner, and laughed with ‘joy unspeakable’ at a fresh understanding of His grace. Love had come down out of heaven, and I knew it. How great is our God!

On the 19th of January, my birthday, a little more than two months after having this ‘experience’ with my heavenly Father, I received the news that my earthly father, whom I had been searching for, was at last found. God was showing me that when we are willing to let go of the self-life, and build our life on the solid foundation of Jesus as Savior and Lord, He is able to “restore (to us) the years the locust had eaten.”

All these years later I wish that I could say that the journey through this wilderness has always been easy, but the truth is that there have been many difficult times. I remain very much a work in progress and need to continually remind myself of my dependence on Him. I do, however, have this assurance, “That He who began a good work (in me) will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ” and that "He will build His church and the gates of hell will not prevail against it!"

In every way this is His testimony, the testimony of Jesus Christ: of His love, grace, mercy and power as King of kings and Lord of lords! Worthy is the Lamb who has been slain to receive the power and riches and wisdom and strength and honor and glory and blessing. May He always be the treasure that you seek.